The Silence
by rand0m1
Summary: Oneshot songfic...Em and JJ's thoughts after a case.


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the lyrics. Lyrics come from the song 'The Silence' by Alex Burke.

AN: This is the product of lack of sleep and too much time listening to my ipod. I hadn't planned on posting it but then I got told I should so here it is. Song lyrics are in italics. Enjoy :o)

The Silence

It had been a long case, one that even after the unsub was locked up in jail there was something that still felt wrong. Emily stared out of the plane window at the lights below trying to work out why she felt so empty. There were some images that just stayed with you long after the case was closed but this time it was something greater. Emily wrapped her arms around herself as she thought about what she really needed at that moment. She let her mind wander to a certain blonde agent who had come to be her retreat on cases like these.

_You lift me up_

There had been several cases that had affected the brunette more than she wanted the others to know. JJ had seen it though, seen through her carefully constructed defenses. She was the only one to break down her compartments and see the real Emily Prentiss. Sometimes it would be as simple as a momentary brush of her hand across her arm, just that split second of contact that re-grounded the brunette. Or it was a look across the room that just told her that she wasn't alone. Each little action would prevent her sinking under the pressure of what they saw and dealt with on a daily basis.

_And knock me down  
_

Then there were those occassions when it had been the blonde who had been the one to take the wind out of Emily's sails. The first time JJ had been the one to deliver a devastating emotional blow to the brunette had been when she found out about the blonde's relationship with Will.

_I'm never sure just what to feel when you're around  
_

JJ glanced across the plane at the brunette agent staring so intently out of the window, clearly lost in her own thoughts. Looking at the way her arms were wrapped around herself, JJ wanted to cross the distance between them and take the brunette in her own arms. Yet there was always something that stopped her. She knew the brunette was very guarded when it came to her emotions which had always made it difficult to work out what her true feelings were. There had been so many times when she could swear the older woman was flrting with her, that the feelings she held for the blonde were more than platonic. Then Emily told her to go for Will, making her question all she thought she had worked out about the older agent.

_I speak my heart_

There had been so many times that JJ had been close to telling the brunette the truth about her feelings for Will and for her. She had told Emily she loved her on several occasions, when she had built up enough courage or had enough to drink at the bar. Every time she did, she could see a flash of something in those deep brown eyes but it was always gone before she could determine exactly what it was.

_But don't know why_

The brunette would always give her the same response to those three words. First would come the look in her eyes and then the smile. It was a smile that always stopped the blonde from explaining she meant it in a more than platonic way. It was a smile that never reached her eyes. It was almost like hearing those words caused the brunette pain.

_Cause you don't never really say what's on you mind_

So many times JJ had wanted to ask what Emily was thinking when she smiled that sad smile. The one time she had asked, the brunette had just shrugged it off and managed to change the topic. It was at times like those that the blonde wished the brunette would give her an insight into what was running through her mind, instead of hiding behind her impenetrable walls.

_It's like  
I'm walking on broken glass_

_I wanna know but I__ don't wanna ask_

Emily thought about all the times she'd heard JJ utter those three little words to her. Never knowing if there was something more to them than she would allow herself to believe. There had been times that she'd seen something deeper in the clear blue eyes making her question if her assumption that the blonde only saw her as a friend were wrong. Every time she came to ask the one question that would clear up her turmoil, it died in her throat. The fear of hearing it was only meant as friends kept her from asking.

_So say you love me  
Or say you need me_

Every time they were together, Emily hoped the blonde would say something to answer her unspoken question. That one day she would tell her it was meant in a different way. That one day JJ would tell her that she was the one she needed to chase away her demons. That one day the blonde would say she loved her and needed her as much as she needed her.

_Don't let the silence  
Do the talking_

Emily glanced away from the window to see if anyone else was awake. Her eyes instantly met the deep blue ones of JJ watching her from across the plane. They both looked at one another, their eyes locked as each searched the other for answers to questions both were afraid to ask. Neither woman able to find the words to break the silence of the plane.

_Just say you want me  
Or you don't need me  
_

JJ could see the struggle behind Emily's brown eyes. She might not be a profiler but when it came to the subtle nuances of Emily's behaviour, she was an expert. She had learnt to interpret the little actions that others missed. She knew Emily was wrestling with something inside her own head. JJ wanted nothing more than to be able to offer the older woman comfort but ever since Will, she wasn't sure that her offer would be accepted. She no longer knew where she stood with the brunette and that was the hardest part to deal with.

_Don't let the silence  
Do the talking_

JJ wanted to talk to the brunette. She wanted to tell her that succumbing to Will's advances had been a mistake. That she had been wrong to run away from her feelings. Yet she found herself turning away from the brunette's gaze.

_It's killing me  
(love in silence)  
It's killing me  
(love in silence)  
It's killing me  
(love in silence)_

She was no longer able to look into those brown eyes knowing that she would never be the one to take away the hurt that shone through them. She couldn't bear to look at the woman she loved and not be able to tell her. She'd made her decision when she ran to Will and now she had to try to live with it. The irony of living with a decision that was slowly killing you from the heart out wasn't lost on her.

_You let me in  
_

JJ looked around as she felt someone sit next to her. Turning her head she saw Emily had moved to sit beside her. She felt her heart skip a beat as she registered the close proximity of the other woman. She knew that if she closed her eyes and concentrated she'd be able to feel the heat radiating from the side of the other woman. She felt Emily take her hand and gently squeeze it. Looking down at their entwined hands, she felt a surge of hope that the brunette would finally stop hiding in her compartments and let her in.

_But then sometimes  
Your empty eyes just make me feel so cold inside  
_

"I'm always here for you Em." She let her eyes drift up from their entwined hands to meet with brown eyes. As soon as she looked into them, she knew it was not going to change tonight. Her words once again falling on deaf ears. The look in the normally warm brown eyes sent a shiver down her spine. There was no warmth there, just this emptiness that JJ felt powerless to take away.

_When __I'm with you  
It's like rolling dice  
Don't know where or how you're gonna make me cry_

JJ could feel her heart breaking as she looked at the other woman. She knew in their early days there had been something building between them. She was sure of it looking back now. Every look and touch would trigger a smile. Ever since that one fateful day that she had run from what her heart was telling her was right, the smiles had been lost. The touches and looks became fewer and further between. On those rare occasions that Emily slipped and allowed a brief moment of contact, she would pull away as quickly as she had made contact. JJ didn't know if it was better to have those rare moments where it felt like the start of their relationship only to have it taken away again or if it would be better to have that distance between them. Each cut her deeply and made her heart ache.

_So say you love me  
Or say you need me  
Don't let the silence  
Do the talking  
_

Both women sat in silence, their hands the only source of contact. Each willing the other to see inside them, to see past the walls they both hid behind and see the truth. Each women fighting with their own feelings and fears.

_Just say you want me  
Or you don't need me  
Don't let the silence  
Do the talking_

Emily had spent so many nights staring out of windows thinking. Sometimes it was wishing that the blonde would tell her she wanted her and not Will. Other times she longed to hear that the younger woman didn't need her in her life. That she would finally hear the words that could set her free from this inner torment. Every night her wishes were greeted with a silent response.

_It's killing me  
(love in silence)  
It's killing me yeah  
(love in silence)  
_

Every night she would watch as JJ went home to Will and she felt another piece of her heart break. Each day it got harder to witness the blonde going home to someone else. Each day she felt another part of her fade away into the darkness.

_It's like  
I'm walking on broken glass  
I wanna know but I__ don't wanna ask_

_'cause once you say it  
You can't take it back  
_

Emily felt JJ move her hand. She thought for a moment she was going to withdraw it from her grasp, to break that tiny piece of contact she had managed to keep. Instead she felt JJ interlace their fingers, her thumb stroking over the back of her hand. The action drew the same question to the forefront of Emily's mind. The one question she had sought the answer for during the entire duration of their relationship. She opened her mouth to ask but stopped. Knowing that if she asked, there would be an answer. One answer would grant her wishes, the other would shatter her dreams. Not speaking the question meant that there was always the chance. If JJ didn't feel more for her than just friends, there would be no going back. No pretending that one day they would be together.

_And this the end and please just fake it fast_

_So say you love me  
Or say you need me  
Don't let the silence  
Do the talking  
_

JJ looked into Emily's brown eyes and couldn't face the sadness anymore. She glanced down at their entwined hands and memorised the feeling. She knew that the next words she uttered could shatter this forever. Yet the unspoken questions, the constant longing was too much now. She wanted to take away that emptiness in Emily's eyes.

_Just s__ay you want me  
Or you don't need me  
Don't let the silence  
Do the talking_

"Em…I can't do this anymore." JJ looked up to see fear in the brunette's eyes. She felt Emily try to withdraw her hand but JJ held on, not wanting to let her run anymore. "I don't want to live my life not knowing."

"What do you want to know?" Emily's voice was barely above a whisper. Her eyes reflecting the faintest glimmer of hope.

"I need to know…" JJ paused knowing this was the point of no return. That once these words were said, there was no going back. "If you feel the way I do."

Emily swallowed. It was the one conversation she had tried to avoid with the blonde. She had never expected the younger agent to bring it up. "How do you feel?" Despite everything, Emily couldn't lay herself bare. Not after everything that had happened in the past year.

JJ looked deeply into the brunette's eyes, hoping she would see the truth in her words. "I love you Em. I need you to take away the images of what we see. I need you to want me like I want you. I need you to tell me I didn't ruin everything by running away. I need you to love me too."

Emily could feel her heart start to rebuild itself with every word JJ spoke. She felt like a huge weight had been lifted finally hearing the answers to the questions that had hung over them for so long. Finding her voice she finally spoke, "I do." The two words were spoken on a breath, just loud enough for JJ to hear. A slight frown creased her brow, "What about Will?"

"We broke up. I've just never been able to find the words to tell you as I knew you'd ask why." JJ took a deep breath. "I wasn't ready to answer that until now."

Emily nodded. "What changed?"

"I couldn't stand the silence anymore."

Emily leant forwards to capture the blonde's lips in a tender kiss. "No more silences."


End file.
